


The long story of how Leonid's heart got broken

by MadameSam



Category: No Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-23 15:11:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9662981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadameSam/pseuds/MadameSam
Summary: Leonid Ivanov was a waiter in a fancy restaurant.One hot afternoon, a tall stranger walks in and changes his life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting something. I have no idea where this is going for now.  
> The title is temporary.  
> I'd greatly appreciate feedback.  
> Enjoy!

I. Intro

 

Leonid watched, helpless, as the door closed behind James.

He found himself unable to move, his feet seemingly stuck to the dark wooden floor of their living room.

He had tried everything.

 

Talking.

Listening.

Yelling.

 

It had not changed anything. And now, James was gone. They had been together for such a big part of their lives, Leonid could not even start to imagine that there was something else, another life, outside of this one.

And yet, there he stood, motionless, faced with what seemed like the biggest void of all at his feet.

It had started surreptitiously, without either of them really noticing.

 

The sighs.

The bickering.

The fights.

 

It had sneaked into their lives and now their relationship was so broken, so tarnished, that it seemed beyond repair.

Most of Leonid - his heart, his brain, his soul - felt shattered and hopeless. Black emptiness seemed to creep inside him with every heaving breath he took.

And yet, there it was. Hidden in a minuscule part of his heart, getting more and more alive with every thumping heartbeat.

 

Hope.

 

Hope.

 

Hope.

 

Hope.

 

 

II. Part I

 

It had been what seemed like the hottest day in the history of hot days. Leonid’s clothes had been clinging to his skin whenever he moved. He’d even had to use the colorful handkerchief he kept in his vest pocket to wipe his brows and prevent sweat from rolling into his eyes. He was leaning against the wall with his eyes closed, trying to keep as cool as he could, while feeling beads of sweat roll down his already clammy spine. The grandfather clock next to him ticked slowly, time seeming to move with its feet stuck in tar. Leonid sighed.

He had started working as a waiter in a fancy restaurant when he entered college, and had continued even after he had graduated a couple of years before. He was one of the best in the place – everyone loved his professionalism, his polite manners, and especially the wide, sincere smile that made his face light up and his green eyes sparkle. He loved his job and it showed. He was thorough, thoughtful, and kind.

The place was empty. It was usually slow at that time of day, but there were always one or two tables to take care of – men who had come for lunch and whose business meeting had carried onto the afternoon, or ladies who gathered every week for tea. On that day, the air conditioning had been broken, and the restaurant felt as stuffy and humid as the rest of the city. The regulars had cancelled their reservations when the maître d’ had called to inform them of the situation, and the random people who came in expecting a cool place to eat soon took their business elsewhere. Everyone but the cook and Leonid had been sent home for the afternoon.

He was shifting his weight from his left foot to his right, back and forth, his mind wandering.

When the door of the restaurant opened, Leonid’s eyes shot open and he straightened up quickly.

A tall, young man walked in with apparent purpose and confidence.

Leonid smiled his trademark smile and started to welcome the young gentleman to the restaurant when he looked up to the man’s face and their eyes met. He stopped mid-sentence, mouth wide open. He had to tilt his head up to stare, for the man was at least half a head taller than himself. The man smiled and Leonid found himself unable to speak, their gaze locked.

Leonid’s parents had been religious, but when they had died he had renounced all of that, so it had been a long, long time since he had read or heard about the Bible. Yet at that moment, when green eyes met blue, the only thing his mind could conjure was the Song of Solomon.

 _I have found him. The one whom my soul loves_.

 

The man blinked, and the moment passed.

“Table for two, please.”

His voice was deep and smooth, with a hint of an accent Leonid could not place. He nodded and smiled again, still unable to speak, then gestured the man to follow him. He guided him to a table at the back of the restaurant, where there was the slightest hint of a breeze, and poured a glass of icy water.

“My name is Leonid and I will be your waiter today.” Leonid’s voice was raspy and he was talking too fast. “Would you like a drink while you wait, sir?”

He was trying very hard not to look at the tall man’s eyes, for fear of losing his voice again. He failed. His eyes were blue, speckled with gold and green, and as Leonid stared into them he felt something stir deep inside his chest– something that almost felt like recognition.

His customer smiled broadly again and shook his head.

“No, thank you. I’ll wait.” He said.

Leonid nodded and briskly walked into the kitchen where he found the cook, fast asleep with his head on the counter. He leaned on the wall and closed his eyes again, his breathing a little too shallow and fast for his taste.

Get a grip, Ivanov! What was wrong with him? It was not the first time a beautiful young man came into the restaurant. He was good looking, but nothing out of the ordinary. He felt uneasiness pooling in his stomach. The last time he had felt like this, he had ended up hurt and disgusted with himself.

Leonid took a few deep, calming breaths, and tried to clear his mind. He was not going to think about his past, he would not let that one mistake ruin his evening, _again_.

This was a paying customer, he deserved a calm waiter and good service, and Leonid would be damned if he didn’t give it to him, raging hormones or not.

The tall man had his back to him, so Leonid watched him from the door for a few moments. His unruly hair shone with golden highlights in the afternoon sun, and it tips lightly grazed the collar of his shirt every time he turned his head to look at the door. He had the straight, broad shoulders of a man in shape, and his short sleeves could barely contain his biceps. Everything in his attitude and posture exuded of confidence and self-assuredness. Yet, he drummed the fingers of his right hand nervously on the table while checking at his watch.

Leonid closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to the door. God, the guy was hot. Leonid tried not to think about the way his shirt clung to his shoulders, or how these shoulders would look without said shirt on…

Leonid shook his head, took a deep breath and walked over to the table again. Before he could speak, the tall man made a small apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry. I don’t like when people are late. I will have a beer while I wait, please.” He simply said. Leonid smiled too, and as he turned to leave the man spoke again.

“Excuse me, I feel like I know you from somewhere. Have we met?” Leonid frowned as he turned around and shook his head.

“I don’t think so...” he hesitated, looking at the tall man’s face again.

“My name is James, James Lancaster.” the man said when he offered Leonid his hand. Leonid shook it, and tried not to focus on the softness of the fingers and the heat of the palm touching his own. The thing in his chest stirred again. 

“Leonid Ivanov.” He managed to reply. James’ eyebrows furrowed a little also, his hand still in Leonid’s.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard that name before.” He said softly, looking straight into Leonid’s eyes. He had long, pretty lashes that fluttered and touched his cheekbone like feathers when he blinked. Leonid cleared his throat.

“Yeah, me neither.” James’ expression shifted and he looked playful.

“You’ve never heard your own name before?” he asked. Leonid blushed a furious shade of red and stammered,

“No, no, I meant…” James smiled broadly, and his whole face lit up like sunshine.

“I know what you meant.” He laughed, and took his hand from Leonid’s, who laughed a little nervously.

“I’m sorry, I’m feeling a bit weird today. Must be the heat.” Leonid admitted, sheepish. _Christ._

 James smiled and winked.

“Yeah, you must be boiling under all these layers.” He hesitated, only for a beat.

“Have a beer with me. There is no one here anyway, and I don’t think my date is going to show up.” Leonid’s eyes widened and he blushed even further.

“I don’t think I should…” he started but something in James stance shifted and their gazes locked again.

“On me. I insist.” James said, his voice low. Leonid looked around. The cook was asleep. The boss was out for the rest of the day. Chances were, there wouldn’t be anyone else around for at least two hours. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

“Alright.”

When Leonid walked back with their drinks, he took a moment to remove his apron and loosen his tie. James was looking at him closely, studying him. Leonid sat down, handed James his beer and smiled shyly. James squared his shoulders and tipped his glass towards Leonid.

“Thank you for doing this.” He said.

“Thank you for inviting me.” Leonid replied lamely and looked down at his glass. He shouldn’t have done this, he thought. He felt weird and sweaty and really intimidated.

“Have you worked here long?” James asked, breaking the silence. The pressure on Leonid’s chest seemed to lessen an iota. Talking about his job was easy. He started describing everything about the place, the people who worked there, the customers. Then James told him all about his own job, and his passion for painting. He asked Leonid about his family and looked genuinely sorry when he heard Leonid’s parents had died in an accident. After a while, Leonid stopped talking mid-sentence again. James was listening intently, looking at him with his intense stare, his chin resting on his hand, a small smile on his lips.

“What?” Leonid asked.

“I really feel like I know you. Like I’ve known you for the longest time. It’s really weird.” James said in a low voice, placing a hand on his chest, over his heart. Leonid’s heartbeat picked up again. He felt heat coloring his cheeks.

“I feel that, too. Although I am pretty sure we have never met. I would remember.” He said softly. James smiled broadly.

“I’d remember, too. Maybe we’re kindred spirits or something.” He laughed. Leonid laughed too, and at once the tension left his shoulders. James took a long sip of his beer and looked at his hands on the table. Then he looked up at Leonid through his long lashes.

“You have a beautiful laugh.” he said, his voice husky and even lower. The sip of beer Leonid had taken caught in his throat and he started coughing. In an instant James was kneeling at his side, lightly clapping his back.

“Are you ok?” he kept asking, while Leonid coughed uncontrollably. When he finally managed to catch his breath, he nodded. James hand was still on his back, burning hot through his thin cotton shirt. Leonid took a small sip of James’ untouched glass of water, then was able to take a deep breath.

“I’m fine” he managed to say hoarsely, turning his head to look at James, and finding James’ face only inches from his own. He could feel James’ breath on his face, smell his strong, clean scent, feel the warmth radiating from his body, even in the stuffy heat of the restaurant. Leonid studied his eyes again, the different shades of blue and green, the gold speckles, his pupils, slowly dilating, and then James started to lean in slightly, keeping his eyes open, silently asking for permission. Leonid licked his lips carefully, leaned in a little, and –

“What’s going on here?”

They broke apart like they were on fire. Leonid turned around and saw his boss, arms crossed, watching them from the other side of the room. Leonid got up quickly and started to put his apron back on as the boss walked towards them. His heart was pounding in his ears, his cheeks were on fire, his hands were trembling. He could lose his job over this. What was WRONG with him! Sitting down at a table, with a customer, drinking alcohol, almost kissing a customer, all during his shift! 

James cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry sir, I have been stood up and this good waiter here took pity on me. I am very thankful. Please don’t be angry at him, this was all my fault.” He apologized. Leonid shot him a look, incredulous. He could not believe this – almost - complete stranger was defending him in front of his boss.

“Leonid, you know better than this! Drinking beer during your shift! You are lucky no customers walked in on you two, it could have been very awkward!” the boss said sternly, pointing his fat finger at Leonid. Leonid hung his head low and looked at the floor.

“I trust this will not happen again. You are an excellent waiter Leonid, and I hope I can count on you to have better judgement next time.” The boss added.

“Yes sir.” Leonid nodded.

The boss looked around the restaurant and sighed. “Go home, boy. Nobody’s going to eat here tonight anyway. Might as well close early.” He walked back into the kitchen where they heard him try to wake the cook up from his impromptu nap.

Leonid silently looked up at James, who smiled in return. He opened his mouth to thank him, but James was faster.

“How about we take this date somewhere else?” he asked.

Leonid felt his heart skip a beat. A date?

“Sure. Let me just change out of my uniform and I’ll meet you up front.” Leonid said hastily, in case James changed his mind. He all but ran to the kitchen to fetch his bag, changed into his own jeans and t-shirt, and met James at the entrance a few minutes later.

“Where would you like to go?” Leonid asked, looking up at James. James shrugged, his face unreadable.

“I got beer at my place.” Leonid suggested. James took Leonid’s hand in his own and looked down at him expectedly.

“Lead the way! I’ll follow.” He said, and his words touched Leonid to his very core.

  


	2. Chapter 2

Their pace was slow on the way to Leonid’s apartment, the humidity in the air so thick they felt they had to push through it to walk. They kept silent for most of the way, and James’ hand remained closed around Leonid’s. The thing in his chest was expanding, so fast that Leonid felt he would burst from the size of it.

Leonid had to let go of James’s hand when they reached his apartment, and the simple gesture suddenly made him very self-conscious. He couldn’t remember if he had left dirty dishes everywhere or if the place still smelled of the Indian food he had cooked a few days before. He opened the door slowly, scanning what he saw of the place as he entered, and exhaled in relief when he saw it was presentable. James came in and leaned against him to close the door, and Leonid shivered, his skin covered with goosebumps.

“You ok?” James asked, pressing his large hand on the back of Leonid’s shoulders. Leonid closed his eyes and leaned into his touch.

“Fine.” He replied, his voice small. He cleared his throat again. His body had never responded like that to the sheer proximity of someone else.

This man was making him crazy, vulnerable. He’d invited him to his place, for Pete’s sake. He could be a psychopath, an axe murderer. His brain was screaming at him – _you’re a fool, Ivanov, a crazy fool!_

But a small voice, somewhere, kept whispering words of encouragement - _it’s fine. You got this. You know him. You’ve always known him._

“Beer?” he asked, gesturing to the couch. James smiled and sat down. “Please.” He nodded.

Leonid handed him a bottle and plopped down on the couch next to James.

“Cheers!” he tipped his bottle and took a long sip. They remained silent for a few minutes, Leonid wondering what to do from there. James looked perfectly at ease, his arm resting on the back of the couch. He caught Leonid looking at him and he smiled.

That smile. It was going to be the death of Leonid. He blushed – again – and looked down at his lap. What was he, twelve! He was a grown man, he could do whatever he wanted with whomever he wanted! He looked up again at James beautiful features, took a deep breath and kissed him. James eyes widened in surprise and he put his hand to Leonid’s chest.

“Wait.” He said softly.

Leonid’s heart stopped. He’d went too fast, gone too far. Dammit, he’d ruined everything again. James took the bottle of beer Leonid was holding and put it on a side table with his own. Then he smiled slyly and took Leonid’s face between his hands.

“There. Much better.” James whispered, leaning in.

When their lips touched again Leonid closed his eyes. James lips were soft and warm, and his stubble scratched at Leonid’s chin when they moved. Leonid’s breath hitched in his throat when he felt the tip of James tongue on his upper lip, and he opened his mouth. Their tongues met, hesitantly at first, then danced a slow, languid dance. James hands were in Leonid’s hair, then on his neck, warm and soft and strong. Leonid placed his own hands on James chest and couldn’t help but shiver again, despite the heat. James pulled away from their kiss.

“Is this…Ok?” he hesitated.

For a moment, Leonid saw a hesitant little boy, with sunshine hair and freckles and beautiful, beautiful blue eyes, and he couldn’t help but smile reassuringly.

“It’s perfect.” He breathed, and kissed him again.

This time it was less hesitant, Leonid’s lips were firm against James’ as they moved with slow deliberateness. James fingers slowly ran down Leonid’s face and settled on his collarbone, under his shirt. Leonid felt his skin ignite wherever James touched him with even the slightest touch. He ran his fingers through James’ soft hair and held his head closer, deepening the kiss even more. He wanted to taste him and drink him in, like sweet wine. His heart was pounding. There was a pool of warm desire forming low in his abdomen, dark and strong like thunder.

James broke their kiss again.

“Leonid.” He spoke his name with reverence, and Leonid’s chest constricted.

“I want…” James voice was so thick with desire he could not speak. He cleared his throat and leaned his forehead against Leonid’s.

“I don’t usually do this, you know.” He said with a nervous laugh. Leonid leaned back and cocked his head to the side. It surprised him that James was becoming shy at that moment.

“Would you like to stop?” Leonid asked softly. James laughed.

“There is no way I am stopping, except if you want me to. I just…” he ran his hand through his hair while he looked for his words.

“I feel like there is this force I can’t control, making me do things I would have never thought I’d do. I’ve never even kissed a guy on the first date. Yet here I am with somebody I just met, about to…” he hesitated and rand his fingers through his hair again, shaking his head.

“I just feel like this is supposed to happen, somehow. Like I was supposed to be alone at the restaurant, and meet you, and…” He exhaled and laughed a little again. “I’m sorry, I’m not making any sense.”

Leonid looked up into his eyes, searching. There wasn’t a hint of malice, only the timid little boy he’d seen earlier.

“I understand. I feel it, too.” Leonid said, smiling a little. “I don’t do this often either. And for the record, I don’t usually invite strangers in my apartment.”

James laughed.

“Good. I’m glad to know that. And I’m so, so glad I got stood up.”

It was Leonid’s turn to laugh, and when he did James placed a hand on his lap. Heat and desire stirred again in the depth of his abdomen. Leonid closed his eyes and sighed.

“Man, you have such an effect on me.” He said breathily and kissed James again, this time with such passion and purpose that their noses bumped and their teeth clanked. There was a fever possessing them, such lust that their bodies could no longer contain it.

Leonid reached for the buttons of James’ shirt and started undoing them with his trembling hands, still kissing him with fervor. When he succeeded, he removed it swiftly, his fingers aching to find and touch skin. He found a hard chest, covered with the barest hint of soft golden hair, and his hands were all over it, caressing every inch of skin they could find.

For the third time that night, James broke their kiss, but this time, it was only so he could get Leonid’s t-shirt over his head, and as soon as it was off their lips met and their tongues started dueling again. James hands were everywhere, on Leonid’s chest, his shoulders, his arms, his back. Once they were on Leonid’s butt, James’s hand grabbed him strongly and lifted him up, so Leonid was straddling him on the sofa. Leonid could feel the hardness of James’ erection on his denim-clad butt, through the thin fabric of his dress pants, and it turned him on more, if that was even possible.

He felt like every nerve on his body was on fire, like every scorching touch would set him ablaze. James’ lips left his own and moved to his jawline, kissing their way to his ear. Leonid let his head fall back, and James continued kissing, licking, grazing his teeth on the soft skin of Leonid’s neck. Where Leonid’s neck met his shoulders, James bit him, softly enough not to leave a mark, but strongly enough to elicit a moan from Leonid. James’ hands were at Leonid’s hips, keeping him strongly in place, close enough to feel friction between them.

Leonid craved more, he needed to touch every single square inch of warm skin on James’ body, and there was still too much space, too much fabric between them. He reached down and tried unbuttoning James pants but he was unable to, so James lifted him up again. Leonid got up and James took the opportunity to grab him by the hips again and kiss his stomach. Leonid threaded his fingers through James hair again, while James fumbled with the buckle of his belt.

Once the button of his pants and his fly were undone, Leonid grabbed James’ wrists and pulled him up. James got up, all six feet four inches of him towering over Leonid, grabbed him by the hips and effortlessly took him in his arms.

“Where’s your bed?” he asked breathlessly.

Leonid nodded in the general direction of his bedroom, wrapping his legs tightly around James’ stomach. James only took a few steps, then stopped and slammed Leonid’s back against a wall to kiss him again. It seemed they could not get close enough. James was moving his hips slowly, and the friction he was creating made Leonid whimper with need. He carried Leonid for another few steps until they reached the bedroom. James carefully laid Leonid on the old plaid comforter and climbed on the bed with him, bearing him down with his knees framing his hips. James smiled a devilish smile and pressed his weight down a little, which made Leonid close his eyes and buck his hips uncontrollably. James pressed his mouth back on Leonid’s neck, flaming hot, burning kisses down his throat and collarbone, and then lower, on every inch of his chest. When his teeth found Leonid’s nipple, a soft moan escaped his lips and James smiled again. He licked and sucked his way down Leonid’s abdomen, leaving a trail of goosebumps.

Finally, he reached Leonid’s undone fly and hooked his finger under the elastic waistband of his boxers. He took his time lowering Leonid’s jeans, firmly grabbing his ass and still kissing his lower abdomen while doing so. Leonid shivered once his pants were off, and James slowly slid his lips back up his entire upper body and went back to kissing him on the mouth. Leonid pushed him up and grabbed his belt buckle. He was struggling to undo it with James sitting on top of him, so James got up from the bed and removed his pants and boxers completely, giving Leonid freedom to watch his glorious body for a second, before he climbed back on the bed. Leonid sighed. _Finally_! There was nothing between them anymore, just delicious heat, messy friction and a deep ache at the core of their bellies. James kissed him deeply and Leonid ran his hands up and down James’ damp back, digging his nails in the skin when their erections touched in just the right way.

James rolled on his side and pulled Leonid close to him so they were lying face to face. He reached between them, grabbed both their cocks and slid his hand up and down their lengths. Leonid reached behind him and drew his hand down the curve of James’ ass, while his mouth was still trailing kisses on his chest. He was so close, already.

“James, I…” He could not form a complete sentence.

“It’s ok, Leonid, I got you.” James said, breathing heavily and grinding his hips. Leonid’s pleasure kept building and building until he came in the space between them, his mouth sucking at James’ neck. James followed him a few moments later, slurring incomprehensible nonsense, his nose buried into Leonid’s hair. He curled his arm around Leonid and drew him closer, kissing him softy and slowly.

When they broke apart, James rolled on his back and pulled Leonid close to him, his head resting on his chest. Leonid laughed at the sticky mess between them, and James pulled him even closer, kissing the top of his head.

“I don’t care. We’ll shower later.” James said, closing his eyes. Leonid looked up at his beautiful features and grinned, sated.

They laid there for a while, catching their breaths. James was running his fingers mindlessly along the curve of Leonid’s bicep while they allowed their hearts to stop beating so furiously.

“That was…” Leonid started, and then he chuckled, unable to find words to describe what had just happened.

“Yeah. It was.” James agreed, kissing the top of Leonid’s head.

They fell silent, basking in the rush of endorphins in their bloodstreams. Leonid just lay in James’ arms, content, his palm flat on James’ chest, feeling the slowing rhythm of his heart.

When they got up, they were sticky and sweaty, and both their bellies were covered in each other’s semen. Leonid politely offered his guest to shower first. James smiled broadly.

“You could also come with me, if you’d like.” He suggested. Something fluttered in Leonid’s chest, right below his breastbone. He grabbed James’ hand and led him to his small bathroom. While he adjusted the temperature of the water, he caught James staring at his naked reflection in the bathroom mirror. He blushed heavily. James laid a hand on the small of his back.

“It’s the second time you’ve blushed when you’ve seen me looking at you. Why?” James asked. Leonid looked down at his feet.

“I, um…I feel very self-conscious, especially now, with you.” He admitted. James eyes widened.

“Why would you feel self conscious with me?” he asked genuinely, frowning.

“You know…look at you! You’re all…perfect, and I’m…” he gestured at his body.

Leonid had nothing to be ashamed of. True, he was not in excellent shape like James – he hated anything that came remotely close to exercising – but his body was lean and graceful, and his limbs were toned from the long hours spent carrying heavy plates at the restaurant. His self-esteem had never been high, though, and he found it difficult not to be overly critical towards his own body.

“You’re what? Perfect, too?” James finished, gently lifting Leonid’s chin with his finger so he could look him in the eyes. Leonid realized that looking into James’ eyes made him lose all ability to speak. Or think. He simply stood there in awe, lips slightly parted, totally lost into them. James kissed him lightly, their lips barely touching.

“I think you’re perfect, Leonid.” He grinned and pulled him into the warm shower.

James soaped up his hands and started carefully washing Leonid’s chest and abs. The simple act felt extremely intimate, yet they were both perfectly comfortable, as if they’d showered together millions of times before. James took his time, running his sudsy hands all over Leonid’s front, then his arms.

“I like your body. I’d love to paint it.” He said, his voice barely a whisper, then he placed a soft kiss on Leonid’s jaw. Leonid trembled, moved by the tenderness behind James’ actions and words. James grabbed his shoulders and turned him around, gently massaging his upper back and neck.

“This feels amazing.” Leonid said, leaning his forehead against the shower wall, allowing James to work his large hands into his muscles. He felt completely relaxed and content. James leaned into him a little, pressing his body into Leonid’s, and kissed Leonid’s jaw again. Leonid tilted his head back and rested it on James’ chest, exposing his throat for James to kiss. They remained there for a long time, James’s lips on Leonid’s neck, warm water cascading over their bodies.

When they got out, the sun had started its descent and the air was noticeably cooler, all traces of humidity gone. Leonid wasn’t sure what James was planning on doing and he was trying to work out the right way of asking him when his stomach rumbled loudly.

“You seem to have worked out quite an appetite just now!” James laughed. He had put on his boxers and had apparently decided to stay like that. Leonid smiled sheepishly.

“Would you like to order in? We could stay like this for a while, if you don’t mind me staying.” James said, gesturing to his boxers.

His words shouldn’t have made Leonid so happy, but he found himself grinning from ear to ear.

“I’d love it if you stayed. Especially dressed like that.” Leonid said, blushing a little. James smiled too.

“Excellent. Chinese?” he asked, and fished his phone out of his pocket when Leonid nodded. He frowned when he looked at the screen.

“Looks like my ‘date’ didn’t think it important to tell me she wasn’t going to show up. People are so rude nowadays…” He said, dialing then sitting down to order.

She! Leonid was quite surprised, and a little uncomfortable. James’ date had been a girl? He didn’t know what to make of that information, didn’t know if it should matter or how he should be reacting. He frowned. He couldn’t possibly feel jealous of a girl who didn’t even show up to a date with James, and he shouldn’t be feeling like he had any right over who James dated. He should not be feeling this attached already. They had sex.

“Damn! We had sex!” Leonid said, not realizing he’d said it out loud. James hung up his phone at the Jamese time.

“Yes, I was there. I quite enjoyed it, and I hope we can do it again, too.” James said, smiling crookedly. Leonid blushed – again – and looked down.

“I’m sorry,” he sighed, looking for his words. “I had not realized I’d be in competition against men AND women.” Leonid stopped, shook his head.

“Actually, no. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. I’m not supposed to be thinking like this, not on the first date, not on the day we met. I shouldn’t be making plans or assumptions. Jesus! I’m sorry! I really don’t want to freak you out.” He said, rubbing his face in his hands.

James pulled him down next to him on the sofa.

“Hey, man, relax. I’m not freaking out. Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.” He kissed Leonid’s cheek.

“Yes, my date was a she. I like people, not men or women specifically. I don’t know where you and I are going or if we’re even going somewhere at all, but I know I like you, what I know of you, how I feel with you. There’s a - strong - feeling in my gut that this” he gestured at the space between them “deserves a chance, that it should not be left like this.  And I usually trust my gut. Don’t overthink this. I feel good, very good, with you. I know you feel good too. Focus on that, and we’ll see where it goes. OK?” James looked at Leonid with confidence.

Leonid could not believe they were talking about their status, mere hours after they’d first laid eyes on each other. Then again, he could not believe they’d had sex that soon, either. He nodded.

“Yeah. Ok.”

James’ smile grew larger.

“Great. Now tell me about you. What do you think I should know?” he asked, leaning back in the sofa and grabbing his unfinished and now lukewarm beer. Leonid raised his eyebrows.

“Wow, that’s a big question!” he laughed. He took a swig of his own beer.

“I’m extremely loyal. Once I get involved with someone I will never do or say anything that could hurt them or change the way other people see them. I will always defend the people I care about. I’m kind of like Juliet, the whole ‘who will smooth thy name if I mangle it’ kind of spirit.” Leonid paused to think.

“I love to read. I probably read too much. I’m a hopeless romantic and a believer of fairy tales. I love listening to music and sing really loudly. Oh, and I also have a thing about socks – my feet are always cold, even in this heat, and my socks must always be warm and dry because I can’t stand for my feet to be humid.” The last part made James laugh.

“I’ll try to remember that.” He chuckled.

“What about you?” Leonid asked. “What should I know about you?”

It was James’ turn to take a long sip of beer while he thought about his response.

“I couldn’t live without painting. I love to look at colors and mix them and play with them, and get paint all over me. I also love to work out.” Leonid grimaced at that phrase, and James laughed. “Actually…no, I love the feeling you have AFTER working out, when you’re all doped up on endorphins and your muscles ache. It’s kind of like after having sex, you know.” James winked and ran his hand up Leonid’s thigh.  Leonid’s breath hitched. James’ eyes darkened and he leaned in unhurriedly, licking his lips. Just before their lips could touch, there was a sharp knock at the door.

“I’ll get it.” James said, grabbing his wallet. He answered the door, clad in only his boxers that left little to the imagination. The delivery man looked utterly uncomfortable, and handed him a giant bag of food.

They ate on the sofa, sharing boxes of much too salty food, occasionally feeding each other a bite, making small talk. Leonid was growing more and more comfortable being half-naked around James. When the food was all gone, Leonid got up to throw away the boxes. He was feeling a little bolder, and when he came back he purposely sat down sideways, much closer to James, their legs touching. He placed a hand on James’ thigh, and ran it up, over his boxers, on his tight abs, through the soft patch of hair on his chest, over a nipple. He then rested it on the back of James’ neck, and pulled him in for a kiss.

He was almost relieved when he could finally sigh in between James’ lips and feel the warmth of his mouth on his own. James’ breath tasted like chow mein when Leonid kissed it open, and it wasn’t long before the kiss deepened and became more passionate, as if the wildfire they had experienced before had not been put out and its embers ignited again as soon as they touched. Their mutual desire became an urgency, their hands wanting to roam faster, James’ hips bucking, but Leonid kept still, kissing James’ mouth slowly, carefully, taking his time. James let out an impatient moan, tightening his grip on Leonid’s hips. Leonid smiled through their kiss, and his lips left James’ mouth, traveling up his jaw until they found his earlobe. He nibbled at it, causing James to inhale sharply through his teeth. Leonid breathed in his ear softly.

“You said you’d like to do it again, earlier.”

James nodded fervently.

“Yeah, yeah Leonid I would.” He said with tremors in his voice. Leonid went back to nipping at his ear, then kissed and nibbled his way down his neck. He took his sweet time leaving a nice hickey at the base of his neck, James’ nails digging in his back. As Leonid’s mouth got lower, James laid down on the sofa, giving Leonid full access to his body.

Leonid started with James’ nipples, licking, sucking and biting them softly. James moaned and writhed under him, his hands all over – in his hair, on his butt, and everywhere in between. Leonid lavished his tongue down to James’ navel, flicked it there, then he traveled down and nipped at James’ hip bone, making James buck his hips and groan.

“Good god, man, what are you doing to me?” James whimpered. Leonid just smiled and continued his journey down. He hooked his fingers in the waistband of James’ boxers and pulled them slowly, still kissing his way down. He nosed at the crease of James’ thigh, heat and arousal touching his cheek.  He discarded James’ boxers and spread his legs, running his hands up his thighs. He cupped his balls in his hand, feeling the warmth and weight of them, and looked up at James. His eyes were dark, pupils dilated, his mouth slack. He wrapped his hand around the base of James’ cock, and tentatively licked its smooth underside, James’ gaze locked with his. James moaned again. He ran his fingers through Leonid’s hair and nodded encouragingly. Leonid shifted on his knees and mouthed at the tip of James’ dick, making James hiss, his toes curling. Leonid’s mouth watered. He wanted to taste James, wanted to feel the fullness of having his dick touch his throat.

He leaned all the way in, taking as much of James as he can in his mouth, his tongue licking every inch as he went down. When his nose hit James’ soft patch of pubic hair, he came back up, hollowing his cheeks, saliva pooling at the corners of his mouth. He got a slow, steady rhythm going, his head bobbing up and down, James’ fingers moving from his hair to the back of his neck. James moaned and writhed under Leonid, repeating his name over and over like a mantra. Leonid pulled off to lick his lips, and couldn’t help but smile at James’ blissful expression, his flushed cheeks, small beads of sweat forming close to his hairline. Leonid slid James cock back into his mouth and started sucking harder and faster, James meeting him halfway through every movement with his hips. His moans were getting louder, more like pleas and his grip on Leonid’s hair was getting tighter. He called Leonid’s name with urgency, like a warning, and Leonid kept going, faster and faster, until James went over the edge and came hard in his throat. James shook uncontrollably, unable to catch his breath. Leonid pulled away, wiping his mouth on his forearm. James pulled him up so Leonid straddled his lap, and he kissed him. He snaked a hand between them and cupped Leonid’s cock through his boxers, his other hand holding the back of his head, deepening the kiss. The simple touch, through the thin fabric of his boxers, made Leonid shudder with need. Blowing James had turned him on much more than he’d planned, and he could already feel the familiar tingle of electricity at the base of his spine.

“Touch me, James, please.” He begged. James slid his hand inside his underwear and wrapped his large hand around Leonid’s cock. He drew the pad of his thumb along the wet head, then pumped his hand only a few times before Leonid threw his head back and climaxed. James kissed his exposed throat and neck softly while he recovered.

“Dammit, I’ve made a mess again.” Leonid said, shaking his head. He felt a little dizzy and leaned his forehead against James’ shoulder. James just chuckled and they remained motionless for a while, sated.

Leonid got up and fetched a damp washcloth, wiping the mess off their abdomen, and plopped back down on the couch.

“God, I’m getting old. I’d go to sleep right now.” James said, resting his head on Leonid’s shoulder and closing his eyes. Leonid buried his nose in his hair, breathing his clean scent, and kissed the top of his head.

“Sleep all you want.” He whispered, and got no answer. James chest was rising and falling steadily. Leonid smiled. He stretched his legs on the small table in front of him, wrapped his arms around James and closed his eyes too.


	3. Chapter 3

When Leonid woke up it was dark. He was disoriented and very, very warm. Somehow James and he had managed to lie down on the couch, their limbs tangled, half of James’ body on top of Leonid. He tried to shift a little, but James was so much taller – and heavier! – than him that he could not move at all. He glanced at the clock on the wall. 3 a.m.

It was the middle of the night, he was sleeping on his couch with a guy he’d just met and had sex with – twice. And he felt fine, despite the suffocating heat radiating from the man he was laying with. He twisted his neck, trying to take a better look at James’ face while he was asleep.

His eyes were closed, his long eyelashes resting against his cheeks. He had a long, pointed nose, distinct cheekbones and a strong jaw covered in a soft stubble. His lips were slightly parted, making him look perfectly relaxed and peaceful. Leonid could not resist running his fingers through the soft locks falling on his forehead, making James stir and open his eyes. He smiled warmly.

“Hey.” Leonid whispered.

“Hey yourself.” James replied sleepily. “What time is it?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.

“Three. Did you need to go back home?” Leonid hoped he did not.

“Not at all, unless you want me to go?” James raised his eyebrows questioningly.

“I want you to stay.” Leonid said with assurance.

James smiled even more and snuggled closer to Leonid, closing his eyes again.

There was no awkwardness when they woke up together a few hours later, just simplicity and contentment. They ate bagels and drank coffee, took turns showering, made small talk and joked. Their smiles came easily and their eyes sparkled in the morning sun. James wore one of Leonid’s t-shirts while he stood by the door, ready to leave. The shirt was tight on him, showing off his broad back, hard pecs and round biceps. Leonid could hardly tear his gaze off him. Seeing James in his shirt was strangely domestic, and it made his heart swell.

He felt he should say something to James, and he could not find words. James kissed his cheek and smiled.

“I had fun last night. Thank you. We should do it again.” He said, making a small wave and opening the door. He turned around one last time. “Bye.”

The door closed and Leonid was left speechless. James’ goodbye sounded much too final in Leonid’s mind. He did not like the way that made him feel one bit. He walked slowly to his bedroom and fell on his bed. He did not want to cry, yet he felt hot tears well up in his eyes.

“Christ, Ivanov, what the hell is wrong with you?” He asked, angrily wiping his eyes. He reached for a tissue on his nightstand and noticed a folded scrap of paper with his name neatly written on it. He grabbed it and read.

 

_Leonid,_

_I can’t even begin to tell you how good I felt when I woke up next to you this morning. I hope there are many more mornings like this in the future, when I can watch your beautiful face while you sleep and kiss you good morning when you wake. I’ll be waiting for your call, sooner rather than later I hope._

_With all my affection,_

_James x_

His phone number was written at the bottom of the page, and he’d drawn a circle composed of many little arrows pointing to the middle, around it. Relief flooded Leonid and tears filled his eyes again. He laughed through them and plopped back on his bed, clutching the message.


	4. Chapter 4

Leonid spent an eternity – a day and a half, really– wondering when it would be appropriate to call James. He’d written “sooner rather than later” in his message, but what did that mean? The same day? The next? A week from then?

He was used to fretting about little details like this. He was an overthinker, a specialist of sleepless nights spent worrying about the smallest things. What he was not used to, though, was the major anxiety this was causing him, as if the time he would call James was a matter of life and death.

Leonid went to work the next night with his stomach in knots, and it showed. He made mistakes taking orders, bumped into another waiter with his hands full and made an awful mess of his uniform so he had to change, snapped at a cook when he asked for a precision, and spilled a glass of red wine on a customer’s white shirt. Near the end of his shift, his boss called him in his office.

“What the hell is going on Leonid? You’ve been working here for 5 years and I have never seen you act like this. I thought yesterday was an isolated incident, but today, too? Do you need time off?” His boss was barking loudly and it made Leonid very uncomfortable. He looked down at his shoes and remained silent.

“Listen to me, boy. You’re a fantastic waiter and I’ve never once received a complaint from anyone about you. Because of that, I’m going to give you one more chance. You’re going to take this weekend off, get your shit together, and come back here Monday acting like the Leonid I know. Understood?”

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.” Leonid said in a small voice, still looking down.

“You can go home now. See you Monday.” His boss dismissed him with a wave of his left hand and went back to his business.

Leonid changed his clothes angrily and all but threw his uniform in the hamper in the corner of the break room. Something had to be done. He couldn’t risk his job like this.

When he walked out of the restaurant, the sun was setting and the sky was a mix of pink and orange hues. A few stars were starting to appear here and there, and the moon had begun to rise. The air was still warm, but the humidity of the summer day had almost disappeared.

Shoving his hands into his jeans pockets, Leonid walked slowly towards his apartment, deep in his thoughts. He jumped when his phone buzzed in his back pocket. He fished it out and frowned when he saw _unknown caller_ on the screen. Who the hell was calling him on a Friday night?

“Hello?”

“You’re really going to make me do all the work, aren’t you.” A deep voice drawled into his ear, making him stop dead in his tracks.

“James!” Leonid exclaimed, placing his free hand on his heart.

“Didn’t you find my message?” James asked.

“Of course I found it. I was really moved, actually.” Leonid said softly.

“Then why the hell haven’t you called? I’ve been going crazy thinking about what I could have done wrong.” James confessed, talking faster than usual.

“Oh, no! James, you have not done _anything_ wrong! I was just…” Leonid could not find how to say what he needed to say.

“You were just going to make me do all the work.” James laughed softly, evidently relieved. Leonid laughed too.

“No, I just…didn’t want to look too eager and call too soon, and make you think I’m a freak.” Leonid admitted timidly.

“I would have loved it if you’d sounded eager, it would have been very flattering.” James said, and Leonid could hear the smile in his voice. He felt warmth overflowing in his chest.

“I’m sorry.  I really, really wanted to call you.” Leonid promised.

“Alright. Have you eaten?” James asked. Leonid smiled.

“No, I just got off work. I’m on my way home.” Leonid said.

“Perfect. I’ll meet you there.” James said just before hanging up.

Leonid couldn’t stop grinning. He walked noticeably faster the rest of the way. When he arrived, James was waiting for him, leaning on his front door. There was a bag at his feet with what looked like groceries.

Leonid felt the familiar pull of the thing, the one that had been living in his chest for a few days, since he’d met James.

“Hey.” He said, sounding almost casual. He tried not to look into James’ eyes, and like every other time, he failed miserably. He stopped walking, his mouth slightly open. James’ megawatt smile didn’t help.

“I’m glad to see you, too.” James said, planting a small peck on Leonid’s flushed cheek.

Leonid shook his head, trying his best to come back to reality. He fumbled with his keyset, dropped it on the floor, fumbled some more and finally got the door to his apartment open. They got in and James went straight to the kitchen counter to drop his bag.

“I brought food.” He stated the obvious, taking various items out of the bag. “Would you like a glass of wine?” he held a bottle of shiraz in his hand. Leonid started walking towards the kitchen to take out glasses but James stopped him.

“Go sit down, you’ve worked all night. Do you mind if I go through your cabinets a little for what I need?” James was already opening doors, looking for glasses.

Leonid didn’t know what to say. He’d never been spoiled like that before. Well, there had been that one time with… No. He stopped that thought immediately. He was not going there tonight.

“Sure,” he agreed, “I don’t mind. I can sit here and watch and tell you where everything is.” He sat down at the island and gladly accepted the glass of wine James handed him.

“To a second date as nice as the first.” Leonid said, raising his glass.

“To the second of many more dates, I hope.” James replied.

Leonid’s heart almost exploded. He put his hand over his chest and rubbed his breastbone.

“You can’t keep saying stuff like that, man, you’re going to make me die.” Leonid sighed.

James beamed at him.

“Oh, I’ll say stuff like that to you everyday and mean it, if you want. Just, don’t die. That wouldn’t make me very happy.” He replied with confidence and winked at Leonid, then went on unpacking his groceries nonchalantly.

Leonid got up swiftly, marched towards James, pushed him against the refrigerator and kissed him square on the lips.

“Listen to me, James Lancaster.” Leonid breathed into his mouth, kissing him between every sentence. “I’m getting much too attached to you, much too quickly.”

Kiss.

“You say all these things that make me swoon like a schoolgirl.”

Kiss.

“And I love it, but know that you’re holding something very dear to me in your hands, which is my heart.”

Kiss.

“And I’d hate for it to be broken again.” Leonid’s voice broke at the last words, and he kissed James again so he wouldn’t see his eyes fill with tears. James wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer. Leonid blinked rapidly and looked at the ceiling, not wanting to cry. He realized the wounds on his heart were not all that healed.

James kissed his forehead.

“Whatever our souls are made of, yours and mine are the same.” James quoted _Wuthering Heights_ , rubbing his nose against Leonid’s.

Leonid looked at him like he’d grown a second head.

“HOW?” he asked, kissing him again. “How can you say perfect things like that?”

James just laughed.

“I don’t plan on saying them. I don’t go around plotting to make you fall in love with me or anything. I say things because I mean them. I told you before, I’m an honest guy, and I go with my guts. And right now, my gut is telling me to woo the fuck out of you because you’re going to be so worth it.” James said.

“Jesus.” Leonid couldn’t take any more. He was in so deep, already. It had been three days. Three days seemed like a very short time to fall in love with someone.

They kissed again, messily, passionately, their faces flustered and their heartbeats racing.

James grabbed Leonid’s face and broke their kiss.

“You must be famished.” He stated, and brought Leonid back to his seat.

“I brought a few things, nothing fancy. French baguette, cold cuts, pâtés, cheese and grapes. Is that ok?” he enquired.

Leonid could only nod. His head was spinning and his heart was beating a million beats a minute. He took a sip of wine and rested his chin on his hand. He watched attentively as James prepared everything, making small talk and pointing to the right cabinet door when needed.

He didn’t understand how he’d ended up there, having a second dinner date with this amazing man. What in heaven had he done to deserve this? On the one hand, James’ near-perfection scared the crap out of him. He couldn’t help but think there must be something wrong with the guy, or that something was going to blow up in his face. But, on the other hand, why was he feeling so close to him already? How could he know so little about him and still _know_ him, like they’d been together for ages? He thought about what James had just said, when he’d quoted Brontë. Their souls were the same. The words resonated in his head as he took another long sip of wine.

When everything was ready they ate, _al fresco_ , right where they were. James walked around the island and stood right next to Leonid, their shoulders touching while they ate. He would casually put his warm hand on the small of Leonid’s back and run it up along his spine, or trace his fingers softly on the back of his neck, or run them through his hair. His touch was light, but attentive and genuine, and Leonid could feel sparks under his skin wherever James would touch him.

“Can I ask you a question?” James asked, his mouth full of bread.

“Shoot.”

“What’s your biggest fear? Ever?”

Leonid was taken aback. He could never expect what James was going to say, yet he was still surprised by his question.

“I’d say abandonment.” Leonid replied after a few seconds. My parents left me when I was twelve. That leaves a mark. And my last relationship was…let’s say it didn’t help. So yeah. Abandonment.” He took a big bite out of the piece of cheese he was holding. James’ expression was unreadable.

“I’m sorry you were not treated the way you should have been, in the past.” James said.

“It’s not your fault.” Leonid shrugged. “What about you? What’s your biggest fear?”

“Spiders.” James replied matter-of-factly.

 “Wuss.” Leonid rolled his eyes jokingly.

“Yes.” James nodded, smirking.

Their eyes met. Leonid stopped moving and stared at James.

In a matter of seconds, the atmosphere changed from playful to intense, and the air was suddenly electric and much, much warmer.

Leonid gasped when James placed his hand at the back of his skull, pulling him up into a slow, wet kiss. Leonid leaned into him and fisted his hands in the soft cotton of his t-shirt, their bodies already thrumming with need. James snaked his other hand under Leonid’s shirt, feeling the softness of his belly and the curve of his hipbone. He rested his hand at the small of Leonid’s back, and Leonid sighed, appreciating the familiar weight of it. They kissed for a long time. They curled their tongues and bit each other’s lips and when they broke apart their breathing was ragged, their cheeks flushed and their mouths bruised. James let out a shaky breath.

“God, Leonid I _want_ you.” He breathed.

He unbuckled the belt of Leonid’s jeans and pushed them down in one swift move, freeing Leonid’s already hardened cock, then he grabbed him under the arms and sat him on the counter. A second later his mouth was on Leonid, taking him in all at once. Leonid’s lips formed a perfect _O_ and he moaned loudly. James’s mouth was hot like fire on his cock. His tongue glided smoothly along his length when he pulled back, quickly flicking at the head, and he went all the way down again, his fist circling what he could not take in. James’ other hand played gently with Leonid’s balls, making the soft skin tighten under his touch and Leonid hiss through his teeth. James jaw was slack and his mouth was shining, and Leonid could not help but stare at him as he worked on pleasuring him, for he looked breathtaking doing it. James concentrated on the head for a moment, pulling back the foreskin and running his tongue on the slit. Leonid felt a familiar rush gathering in his balls and he warningly moaned James’ name, his fingers grabbing the edge of the counter, knuckles white. James slid Leonid’s cock all the way in and hummed lowly, making Leonid come forcefully down his throat. He kept running his tongue leisurely around Leonid, until he started softening slowly.

He straightened up and cupped Leonid’s face.

“You taste so good.” He said huskily, making Leonid shiver, then kissed him. Leonid could taste himself on James tongue, and he had to admit it turned him on a little. He craved more of James, he needed more, like merely touching him was not enough.

“Would you like to go to my bedroom?” Leonid suggested, his voice thick.

James looked at him, immediately understanding his unspoken question, and carefully studied his face. He slowly ran his hand down its side, Leonid leaning into his palm and kissing it.

“Are you sure?” James asked, a concerned expression painted on his beautiful features.

Was he? Was he thinking clearly? Usually his post-coital brain worked much better than his horny one, but at that precise moment he was both. Still, he could not find one fiber in his entire being that did not want to go all the way with James.

“Yeah.”

James kissed him, very softly, his lips like butterflies on Leonid’s, then looked into his eyes, searching.

“Alright.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

Leonid was lying on his belly, his face buried in the comforter and his arms extended over his head, James straddling him.

James had produced a bottle of massage oil from Leonid’s nightstand drawer, and was taking his sweet time massaging every inch of Leonid’s arms, shoulders and back until he felt like melted butter. When James reached the lush curve of his bottom, Leonid sighed. James laid down on top of him and kissed his neck.

“Are you ok?” he breathed into his ear, and when Leonid nodded he inserted one oil-slick finger into him, then another. Leonid moaned softly and closed his eyes. James continued kissing his neck and nibbling his ear, slowly pressing his hips into Leonid. The feeling of James’s hardness on his thigh made Leonid lazily grow hard again. 

When James removed his fingers, Leonid whimpered with need. He waited, slightly trembling, while James fumbled with a condom packet, then sighed when James warm body laid back on top of him.

“You’ll tell me if I hurt you?” James asked softly.

There was a slight moment of discomfort while James slid into Leonid, and then the blissful sensation of his prostate being massaged overwhelmed him completely. 

James strong arms encircled Leonid, one hand reaching under him and grabbing his now fully hard penis. Leonid’s every nerve was on fire, his mind was spinning with this devastating, all-consuming, almost unbearable pleasure. James asked him, repeatedly, if he was ok, if it was good, if he was hurting him. Leonid could only slur James’s name over and over while James bit his neck and grazed his teeth along his jaw.  
Soon, his thrusts became faster, his grip on Leonid’s cock harder, and his moans louder. They both came in an explosion of sensation, calling each other’s name. James remained on top of Leonid for a while, their limbs entangled and their breaths slowing gradually. When James rolled on his side, Leonid felt an emptiness in himself he’d rarely felt before. James disposed of the used condom and quickly cuddled with Leonid again, burying his nose in his hair.

“Thank you.” He whispered, kissing the top of his head.

Leonid could only laugh.

“It was my pleasure, really.” He replied.

“I’m serious. Thank you for trusting me enough to do this. It means a lot.” James said, his voice low.

Leonid was taken aback. Nobody had ever had such consideration for him, for his body. Come to think of it, nobody had ever been so gentle and kind with him. He felt his heart swell, and smiled shyly.

“Thank you for being so careful and gentle.” He said, his voice small.

“I could never hurt you, you know.”

James pulled him into a long, lazy kiss. 

“I feel things for you I really shouldn’t be feeling after this little time.” He admitted, kissing Leonid again in hopes of hiding his embarrassment. 

When they broke apart, Leonid looked at James. He took his time examining his features, trying to take them all in. His cheeks were flushed, both from their lovemaking and his recent confession. 

“I understand completely.” Leonid replied, kissing him again, and when he stopped his eyes were full of hope.

“Would you stay?” he asked quietly. 

“I’d love to.” James replied, his face splitting in a grin that could have lit up an entire city; Leonid’s heart felt like it would burst. 

They went back to the living room, drinking wine, naked on the couch. They seemed to be unable to stop touching, their hands reaching for each other like they had minds of their own. 

“You said earlier that your previous relationship was difficult.” James said as Leonid sipped his wine casually. Leonid closed his eyes and nodded; there were shadows in their depth when he opened them back and looked at James. 

“Would you like to tell me about it?” James asked.

“How much time do you have?” Leonid replied jokingly, but James remained dead serious. 

“I have all the time in the world, and more wine if you need it.” He said.

Leonid sighed, but smiled a little, feeling James’s warm hand close around his own. 

“His name was Frederic. He was my first actual boyfriend. I met him when I first came here for college. My teenage years were very difficult, I had a hard time dealing with my parents’ death. When they died, I had to go live with my uncle on his ranch in Colorado. He’s…very old school. He is not a compassionate man, and he does not tolerate emotions of any kind. I had to come to terms with my sexuality alone, first because he would have never wanted to hear a word of it, and second because I was going to school with a bunch of judgemental asses who would have beat me to a pulp if they had known the only reason I went to football games on Friday nights was to check out the players’ butts. By the end of high school, I was ready to explode so I applied to the furthest colleges I could find and ended up here.”   
Leonid stopped and took a deep breath. James remained silent, but squeezed his hand encouragingly. 

“We were on the same dorm floor for the first two semesters. We kept bumping into each other between classes, and one night we were at the same party. We were drunk. He was such a sweet talker. And he was so, so handsome. He told me how he’d been checking me out for the longest time and that he’d been desperately hoping I was into dudes, too. We went back to my room and had sex. It was horrible, for the most part. It hurt like hell and he wouldn’t stop when I told him I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t sit properly for days. But being the low self-esteem, small town boy that I am, I kept going back to him. I thought I could never find anybody else. I thought I loved him. I thought he loved me. He could make me do whatever he wanted just by winking and smiling. It was quite ridiculous, come to think of it. But he was never faithful. I spent so many nights waiting for him to call, to show up, to do whatever he had told me he’d do, and I always ended up alone. When I confronted him, he always had an excuse and sweet words to make me come back to him. You know the term gaslight?” James nodded, and Leonid continued. 

“He kept on lying to me, telling me I was the one in the wrong, that I had somehow misunderstood, and I believed him. I couldn’t even trust myself, I was always questioning reality. But at one point, and I really can’t remember when, he started insulting me. At first, he would do it jokingly, and then it got more serious. He told me I was fat, that I needed to exercise more. He told me I needed to change just about everything about myself. I just wanted him to love me back, so I did whatever he told me to do. We graduated, moved in together, and I started working at the restaurant around that time. He would get super jealous of the other waiters, even though none of them were even remotely gay. And, one night, I came home and he was sitting on the couch, legs wide open, another guy sucking his dick. I took my stuff and left, but I had nowhere to go. So, I took a bus and went back to my uncle. I was devastated, I couldn’t stop crying. My uncle didn’t say anything to me. Not a goddamned word. I stayed there for a month, and then I came back and begged my boss for my job back. I was so lucky he said yes. And, Frederic and I…We never saw each other again. I think it’s for the best. I heard about him from time to time, I mean the gay population is quite small around here so there’s no way around that. After him, there were a few other guys. Nothing serious. I felt so empty, and I thought sex could help. It didn’t. So, I’ve been living the hermit life for a few months now, trying to mend my heart and…well here we are.” 

Leonid took a long breath, followed by a sip of wine. He looked at his hands. He suddenly felt very self-conscious, very naked. He felt hot tears prickling eyes and angrily wiped them on his forearm. He tried to get up but James held his hand tightly.

“You don’t have to run or hide from me, Leonid. You have every right to cry. I’m not judging you. Here.” James pulled him close and wrapped his arms around him. Leonid let his head rest on James’s chest and cried. He cried for a long time. James held him, slowly rocking back and forth, not saying a word. Leonid felt like he could cry forever. His pain seemed to come from hidden depths in his heart, from wounds cut so deep he felt they could never stop bleeding; when his sobs finally subsided, James placed his hands on the sides of Leonid’s face and looked him in the eyes. He gently wiped his tear-stained cheeks with his thumbs, then kissed him sweetly, tasting the salt on his lips.

“I will never understand how anybody could treat you like that, Leonid. You are amazing. You are beautiful. You are extraordinary. How he treated you is not your fault, it’s all his. Never doubt your worth because somebody else couldn’t see it.”

Leonid sighed when James kissed him again.

“What? Did I say something wrong?” James asked. Leonid smiled a little.

“On the contrary. You say such perfect things all the time. You always know what to say to make me feel better.” He said, kissing the tip of James’s nose. James smiled in return.

“I told you, I only speak from my heart. And apparently, my heart is quite fond of you.” He said warmly.

Leonid looked down at his hands but he couldn’t hide his large grin.

“My heart is quite fond of you, too, you know.” He admitted.

“Good, then.” James said simply, and pulled Leonid in to kiss him. 

Their kiss was forceful and profound, conveying feelings that neither of them were ready to say they had; but they were there, deep inside their chests, rock solid, immutable.


	6. Chapter 6

They went to bed late and fell asleep with their limbs tangled, between kisses and half-finished, whispered sentences.

When Leonid opened his eyes the next morning, the sun was filtering though the blinds and made him squint. He looked to his side and found the spot where James had been sleeping cool and empty. He half-sat in the bed, listening for any signs of his presence somewhere else in his apartment, and saw a small note on James’s pillow.

_Gone for a run. Will take you out to breakfast when I come back. Sleep some more. X_

_J._

Leonid grinned and fell back into his bed. This was good. He had not felt this comfortable for such a long time. He rolled over to James’s side and buried his face into his pillow. His scent alone made him shiver and sent tingles all the way down to his groin. Leonid’s grin grew larger when he felt his dick start to harden a little, and he went back to sleep, content.

He woke again to the sound of the shower running. He got up swiftly, walked to the bathroom, careful not to make any noise and peeked behind the shower curtain. James had his back to him. Water was cascading down his muscular back all the way down to his buttocks. Leonid bit his lip.

“See anything you like?” James asked, making Leonid jump.

James turned around, grinning seductively, and ran both his hands in his wet hair, making Leonid’s cock spring to attention. James was magnificent. His body seemed to be made of marble, perfectly sculpted and polished, without being burly. He gestured for Leonid to join him, and Leonid was more than happy to comply. James pulled him close and rested his hands on his butt.

“Hi there.” He smiled, kissing him softly.

“Hi there yourself. Do you come here often?” Leonid asked jokingly.

“Oh, I came here quite a few times already, and I intend on making you come again, too.” James affirmed, wiggling his eyebrows.

Leonid laughed, but his breath quickened and they kissed again with urgency. He could feel James’s penis hardening against his thigh and he moved his hips slowly, trying to find friction. James’s hands tightened on his butt and he groaned.

“I swear I’ll never get enough of this.” He said, kissing his way down Leonid’s neck.

He knelt in front of Leonid, pushing him lightly so he was leaning on the wall. He circled the base of his penis with his fingers and tentatively licked the head. Leonid gasped as James took his entire cock in his mouth, then removed his mouth completely. He slowly pumped his fist up and down his length, making Leonid writhe with pleasure.

“I could do this all day. I love sucking your cock.” James said hoarsely.

“Christ, James.” Leonid moaned, and James engulfed his dick again. His tongue was rolling around his cock, sending shivers down his spine. James’s other hand moved from Leonid’s hip to his ass and gently tickled his puckered hole with his fingertips, eliciting a loud whimper from Leonid. Leonid gently pushed James’s head away from his cock. James looked at him with genuine confusion.

“Were you finished showering? Because I want you in me again and we can’t do this here.” Leonid said, his voice shaky.

James’s eyes darkened. He stood up and kissed Leonid forcefully, turning the water off. He dried them off approximately, then grabbed Leonid by the hips and lifted him into his arms. Leonid wrapped his legs around James who effortlessly carried him to his bedroom, still kissing him. He laid him down on the bed and swiftly grabbed a condom and a bottle of lube from Leonid’s nightstand drawer. Leonid took the packet from his hand and opened it with his teeth, then slowly rolled the condom on James’s large penis, eliciting a gasp from him. James then squeezed a generous amount of lube on his dick and fingers, and settled in between Leonid’s legs. He introduced two fingers at once, making Leonid gasp and squirm. He grabbed Leonid’s cock again with his other hand, leisurely pumping his fist around it, and added a third finger. Leonid moaned.

“God James, give it to me already.” He managed to utter breathlessly.

James did not need to be told twice and slowly replaced his fingers with his cock. When he was all the way in he leaned over Leonid to kiss him deeply, giving him time to adjust to the size of his erection. It was Leonid who moved his hips first, encouraging James to start moving.

“Please.” He breathed, and James slowly pulled out, until only the tip of his cock was left inside Leonid, and then he slammed back in.

Leonid’s head rolled from side to side while he moaned James’s name senselessly. James found a slow, deliberate rhythm, both his hands holding Leonid’s hips steadily. Leonid snaked his own hand between them and stroked his sweat-slick erection. James was not as tender and gentle as the first time, and Leonid loved it. He was not made of porcelain. He bucked his hips, meeting James halfway through every one of his thrusts, their eyes locked.

“Jesus, James, I won’t…I can’t…” Leonid warned, unable to form a complete sentence.

James quickened his pace and came, a few seconds later, calling Leonid’s name loudly. Seeing him undone and broken like that sent Leonid over the edge and he climaxed too, shaking uncontrollably. James leaned over him and kissed him deeply, cupping his face between his hands. He started to pull out slowly but Leonid grabbed his hips and kept him in place.

“I wish we could stay like this.” Leonid whispered.

James responded with another kiss and smiled.

“Let me get rid of this,” he said, holding the used condom in place, “and I’ll get you a washcloth. I’ll be just a second, I promise.”

Leonid nodded and carefully watched James’s butt as he walked out of his bedroom.

“I can feel you checking out my ass, you know.” James called, making Leonid giggle.

James came back with a warm washcloth and carefully cleaned Leonid’s abdomen. His movements were slow and gentle, and they made Leonid’s heart warm. James dropped the washcloth on the nightstand and plopped back down on the bed next to Leonid, pulling him to his side. Leonid’s head settled on James’s chest and he ran his fingers mindlessly through the soft patch of hair, sated.

“Is it bad that I’d really like to do it again?” Leonid asked, eyes half-closed.

James kissed his nose and laughed. “Not at all.”

***

They walked casually to a small diner on the city’s main street, holding hands and chatting.

A plump, curly-haired waitress – Susan, according to the shiny nametag sitting on her large bosom - showed them to a booth and handed them menus, smiling warmly.

“You’re lucky!” she winked at Leonid while pouring them both a cup of steaming coffee. “He’s quite a catch!”

Leonid blushed.

“Thank you, ma’am.” He said politely.

“I’ll let you boys look at the menu and I’ll be back in a minute.” She said and left.

Leonid busied himself putting milk and sugar in his coffee, avoiding James’s gaze. He felt angry at himself. Why couldn’t he just feel happy that he was the one James was with now? He hated that his insecurities had to take away the simple pleasure of moments like this. He took a deep breath. James was with him, right now. And he was lucky. James was a great guy; sensitive, kind, bright, and extremely hot. He was with him now. Not with anybody else.

“She was so wrong.” James said softly, taking Leonid from his reverie and making him frown.

“Why do you say that?” he asked, genuinely confused.

“Because I’m the one who’s lucky. I’m glad to be here with you.” James said, grinning.

Leonid felt like he would melt on the spot, and smiled broadly. Before he could say anything, James’s cell phone buzzed.

“Do you mind?” James asked, raising his eyebrows.

Leonid shook his head, and James answered.

“Hey gorgeous girl!” he said into his phone, smiling.

Leonid tried not to listen, casually looking out the window. There went his insecurities again.

“Of course, I’d love to see you! I miss you!” James said softly.

Leonid took a long sip of his coffee. This whole thing suddenly seemed like a bad idea. He could never be good enough for James, especially compared to both men and women. He felt like an idiot for thinking he could be ok with that – obviously, he was not.

“Yeah, Monday night is perfect. Alright. Talk to you then.” James hung up, smiling.

Leonid cleared his throat.

“You have a date on Monday?” he asked, trying to sound as casual as possible and failing miserably.

“Yes! It’s going to be awesome! Her name is Sophia. She’s so pretty!” James said, smiling crookedly, a hint of amusement in his eyes.

Leonid tried to hide his disappointment.

“That’s, uh…great, really.” His voice was unsteady.

James laughed.

“She’s also my sister, Leonid.”

“God. I feel like such an idiot.” He sighed, hiding his face in his hands in embarrassment.

“Don’t. You didn’t know. I can see that you are uncomfortable with the fact that I play both teams. I understand that you are insecure, and you have every reason to be. We don’t know each other very well yet, and I can’t expect you to trust me completely at this point, but I want to earn your trust. I’d like you to know that I’m very loyal. I’ve never had more than one partner at a time, and I am not one to fool around with many people. We have not yet established the terms of our relationship and we will talk about it in due time, but you should know that I will not date other people while we are seeing each other. You have my word.” James said.

Leonid nodded.

“Thank you. Thank you for being so understanding and open with me. I’m not used to that.” He said simply.

“I’m really not like your ex. I’m a good guy.” James promised.

Susan chose that moment to come back for their orders.

“What will you boys be having?” she asked cheerily, pen and notepad in hand.

Leonid ordered pancakes and fruit, and James decided on poached eggs, toast and a side of low-fat cheese. Susan poured them more coffee and left.

“So, you have a sister, I understand?” Leonid asked, laughing.

“Yes. A little sister and a big brother.” James proceeded to tell him all about his family, smiling fondly. He had lived a very laid-back life; his parents were hippies and had homeschooled him and his siblings for a long time. His brother was a mechanic, married with a child on the way. His sister was studying to be an engineer. He talked about them with affection, and it made Leonid like him even more. Meanwhile, the waitress brought them their breakfast, and they ate in comfortable silence for a bit.

After a while, Leonid cleared his throat.

“Do you have anything planned for today?” he enquired.

“Yes and no, I wanted to head to my studio and paint a little. You’re welcome to join me if you want.” James suggested.

Leonid’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“I’ve never painted anything other than walls.” He laughed.

“You could be my model.” James proposed, and there was an air of mysteriousness in his eyes.

Leonid frowned.

“Naked?” he asked innocently, and suddenly the air between them sparked with electricity.

Leonid could feel heat pooling at the bottom of his abdomen, and he shivered when James reached and took his hand.

“I think we’ve found our plans for today.” James said, and they both hurriedly finished their plates.

They left Susan a generous tip and walked back to Leonid’s apartment, holding hands.

When they were inside James pressed Leonid against the door and kissed him with passion. Leonid grabbed his hips and pulled him even closer, James sliding his leg between his.

“God, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anybody so badly before. We just had sex, for God’s sake.” He laughed in between kisses.

Leonid tried to grind his hips against him but James pulled back slowly, grinning. Leonid let out a frustrated groan and tried to pull James closer again, making James’s smile grow even larger.

“Let me grab my stuff and I’ll take you to my studio.” He said, giving Leonid a quick peck on the lips.

Leonid let his head roll back against the door and closed his eyes. His whole body was on fire already - again. He took a few long, deep breaths and when he opened his eyes, they found a pair of gold-speckled blue orbs looking right into them.

“Ready to go?” James asked, pressing his forehead against Leonid’s.

 

“Should I bring anything?”

James shook his head and kissed Leonid again.

His lips were soft but firm against Leonid’s mouth, and Leonid sighed through them.

“Stop kissing me or we’ll never get out of here.” He whispered, keeping his eyes closed.

“Alright. If that’s what you want.” James said, his mouth never leaving Leonid’s.

“It’s not. But you said you wanted to paint.” Leonid said, and it took every last ounce of self-control he had to push James away from him.

It was James’s turn to groan, but after a long sigh he kissed Leonid’s forehead and straightened his shirt.

“Come on.” He grabbed Leonid by the shoulder and took him to his car.

Leonid sat comfortably in the passenger seat of James’s Toyota. When James turned the key in the ignition, Jet’s Are You Gonna Be My Girl blasted loudly through the speakers, making Leonid jump. James hurriedly turned the volume down and apologised.

“Are you kidding? Turn it back up!” Leonid laughed, and they drove to James’s studio, singing at the top of their lungs. The drive was short; James’s studio was in an old building just outside the city, and he hesitated for a beat when they got out of the car.

“I’ve never brought anyone up here.” James admitted, and Leonid was moved.

“And you’re bringing me, not even a week after we’ve met?” he asked, surprised.

“Yeah, I guess I am.” James said, closing his hand around Leonid’s.

The studio was on the top floor of the four-stories building. The room was not very big but it was flooded with light coming from a wall completely made of windows. There were easels and canvases, and a large table pushed against a wall with paint tubes and brushes on every inch of its surface. Next to the window wall there was a small couch with a single pillow and an old granny-square blanket, and a small refrigerator with a coffee machine and a few disparate cups on top of it.

Leonid did not have enough eyes to look at everything. James’s paintings represented people, faces and bodies, but were mind-blowingly multicoloured and vivid, almost psychedelic. James stood right behind Leonid, silent.

“James, it’s…stunning.” Leonid said and when James exhaled, he realised he had been holding his breath.

James wrapped his arms around him from behind and kissed his shoulder.

“Thank you. This has been one of the most important things in my life for a long time now. I come here almost everyday, usually after I am done teaching. When I teach, I can’t participate, and it gives me this craving feeling I can’t control.” He said softly, then took Leonid’s hand and brought him to the couch.

“Sit. Would you like some coffee?” James asked, and Leonid could see he was nervous.

It was touching to see him so vulnerable, James was usually so confident and self-assured. Leonid smiled at him reassuringly.

“No, thank you. I’m fine. Thank you for bringing me here. I feel…special.” Leonid admitted.

“You are. Believe me. There’s um…something I want to show you.” James said breathily and grabbed a half-finished painting from behind a pile.

He kept it facing himself, preventing Leonid from seeing it.

“I started painting this last year and I can’t finish it. It’s the only painting I haven’t been able to finish, ever. You see…I’ve never worked with a model. I always paint faces that I imagine. But this one…I’ve only ever been able to paint its eyes.” While he talked, James turned the canvas around.

Leonid felt like he’d been hit by a truck. The painting was still almost all white, with only lines here and there framing what would become a face. There were abstract lines and colours around it, reds and purples with hints of yellow. A pair of eyes stood out from the blank space in the middle. Leonid’s eyes. The detailing was incredible, and the shade of green was so vivid and so spectacularly _his._ Leonid sat there, shocked, unable to speak.

“It took me a while to get it, when I met you. I couldn’t understand why I felt like I knew you already. And while I was waiting for you to call, this week, I came here to try and get my mind off you. And I was just sitting right there, where you are, sipping coffee, and my eyes fell on the corner of this canvas. And right then, I knew. I knew it was you.” James stood there, holding his painting, a myriad of emotions on his face.

Leonid remained silent, his mouth slightly open, speechless. James placed the canvas on top of an empty easel, and kneeled in front of Leonid.

“You must think I’m some kind of freak.” He whispered.

Leonid shook his head. “No, I...I felt it too, as soon as I first saw you. It’s just…so weird to see my eyes like this, and to think you painted them before we met…what does it mean?” Leonid was still stunned.

“I don’t know what it means. Were we lovers in another life? Are we like soulmates? I don’t know much about that stuff and frankly I don’t know if I’ve ever believed in anything like that. What I do know is that when I’m with you I feel like I’m complete, as crazy as this sounds at this stage. I believe in serendipity, and it’s no coincidence that my date stood me up last week. We’ve done so many things that I never thought I’d do…I’m not the type of guy who has sex on the first night, and yet we did, more than once. Hell, we even went all the way on the second date. I feel more like myself when I’m with you, like I’m…like I’m home.” James voice was thick with emotion.

Hearing that, the thing in Leonid’s chest grew exponentially - exploding, almost. Leonid pressed his palm to his breastbone, unable to contain the sheer force of what he was feeling, incapable of speaking.

“I’ve known you forever, Leonid. I know it in my heart. I’m scared of what I feel for you after this little time. Hell, I don’t know anything about you, and you don’t know anything about me either. But whenever I’m scared I hear this…I don’t know, this _voice_ in my head, telling me that it’s fine, that it’s _you_...” James’s voice broke.

Leonid got up, pulling James up with him, and wrapped his arms around his torso.

“I get what you’re trying to say.” Leonid said softly, but James shook his head.

“No, you don’t.” he replied. He took a deep breath and looked deep into Leonid’s eyes.

“What I’m trying to say is that I’m in love with you, Leonid.”


End file.
